PQ

So. Get this. P is obsessed with M. And Q and E are totally diggin each other. And C wants a G. Now P is being impatient and keeps talking about M. And C is starting to dig on P. OH YEAH. It's a letter-love pentagon. Now P is acting like she isn't obsessed with M, which is bull cradonkshnike, and C is thinking, 'Wow P, you are too freakin' obsessed' and E is like, ' QUIT FREAKIN' BETRAYING ME!!' And Q is just laughing at C cause he still wants a G, but he wants that G to be P. And apples smell like the aftermath of breakfast. And now E and C are both diggin on P, and P is diggin on M. And she is thinking M doesn't like P, but M likes P, but P thinks no, but M thinks yes, so love.com/yes. OH YEAH. C needs a G.

Love,

Prime Minister Niffgenshat

Missionary Cards

Missionary cards. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT. There's lots of letters and numbers and pictures. And temples. And I found one with people who have no shoes. Or socks. However (Jim Carrey voice), they are useful every-day items, I'm not going to lie to you. I find them very intriguing, nay, I find them very EXCITING. And preposterous, I don't know what that means, but it's something like the opposite of not common sense, so it's common sense. Missionary cards are common sense you idiots. (This is a shoutout to cops everywhere. PEACE.)

Boring Movies

I would just like to say that boring movies are my least favorite thing, on this planet. In fact, they are probably my least favorite in not only this universe, but any other parallel universes that exist. Let's compare boring movies to a bad...calzone. A good calzone has plenty of not boring stuff. A bad calzone is chuck-full of boring old blandness. Man, that's a good analogy. Because boring movies are totally bland! So yeah. Next time you go to a movie, you should check the Good-Calzone-O-Meter. I'm going to suggest that idea to the Inter-Universal Movie Company. A little chart that graphs the boringness/excitingness of the flick. Pretty smart, eh?

Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla and a Happy New Year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!! Yes, I realize it's a little late into the New Year, but only by a couple of days, so if you're even a bit manly, you'll get over it. Anwhoozlekaboozletoff, I am going to show you MY New Year Resolutions.

1. Wrestle an angry radioactive giraffe. (Very important.)

2. Wear a kilt to school. (I hear those are back in style.)

3. Learn how to tie my own shoes. (Uh...don't ask.)

4. Read all 987 volumes of The Bat Goes Splat. (Popular book in Germany.)

Well, that's about it. Looks like I've got a lot to accomplish this year. I better get started. I hear they sell kilts at Wal-Mart and I just got my shoes some new laces.

To Blog, or Not to Blog?

Actually, you guys, it's not a question. I am truly back to blogging!! Round of applause!!! Yes. Good. Anyway, I've decided that statues officially freak me out. Especially statues of peoples! It's really scary how their eyes can only focus on one spot, and when you walk in front of that spot, it's like they're looking straight into my soul, and...WOAH. I GOT CARRIED AWAY!! I have to tell you big news, not that mumbo jumbo! I GOT A SECOND GUINEA PIG!!! Yes, Vladimir Von Wadsworth of the Northern Premisis of the Irish Fronteir! That's his name! Although, for short, I call him Wadsworth. For even shorter I call him Wads. But only on occasion do I call him Vladimir Von Wadsworth of the Northern Premisis of the Irish Fronteir. Anyway, he's a great guy.

Excitement.com

Just so you know, Excitement.com is not a website. And if it is, don't sue me, I didn't mean to use it. Anyway, um, I just want to let you know that life is going good! I recently slayed a demonic cult of hippopotami but I lived. So NO WORRIES! Um...let's get a picture shall we?

I wrote a song about this picture.

You, you are a horse

but you were made, in paint, of course...

I, I am a people

that lives on top of a steeple, of course...

We, we are alive,

so let's do a jive on the steeple, made, in paint, of course...

BUCKWHEAT!

So I got that dream guinea pig I posted about! He is NOT white and brown spotted I'll have you know. I don't even care though, because honestly, brown spots are a sign of short lives, and I want my piggy to live a long prosperous life bringing peace to all nations. Anyway, he is black with scraggly hairy and a cocked ear that has multiple chunks taken off the top. I gave him a fitting name: BUCKWHEAT! He's a great little fat-kin. Definitely a FAT-kin. He is so round I could probably play soccer with him. Oh yeah, plus, he has an edible couch. So eat that! HA! GET IT! It's edible! Eat that...you know, eat that...cause it's edible...you know....Fine. I'll take my hilarious jokes elsewhere.